I'm Never Letting Go
by TinyDancer5678
Summary: Oneshot/Songfic: "The hardest part was trying to pretend that the pain had nothing to do with John."   M/M Slash pairing. Don't like it? Don't read! Rated T for language.


**Hi everyone! This is my first attempt at a oneshot. Slash pairing, so you've been warned...**

**Please give me some feedback on my story! Reviews :)**

**The parts in italics are lyrics from "Everybody Knows" by John Legend.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own characters from WWE, the WWE itself or John Legend's music.**

**I'm Never Letting Go**

_"Everybody Knows" – John Legend_

Stepping out of the rental, he breathed in the chilly New York air. RAW was taping there this evening and this tall, blue-eyed superstar was in the main event. As he picked up his bag and headed toward the doors of the arena, he paused to think about what had transpired since last Monday.

"He's going to have a band around his finger now."

His icy blue eyes filled with sorrow, pain written over every single feature. Randy's best friend—and former lover—had moved on...

_It gets harder every day, but I can't seem to shake the pain_

-Flashback-

Randy knew something was wrong. Although they were trying to hide their true love from the public, he and his mate had always found ways to communicate while at work. The Viper and the WWE Champion created sneaky ways to maintain their relationship. Texts were the most convenient, but not necessarily the most fun.

No, the most fun came from the small signals that Randy Orton and John Cena gave each other in the ring. They had signs and symbols for everything. Two tugs on the left ear was a call for help, readjusting a kneepad meant I love you and tug on the middle rope meant to meet in John's locker room right after. They even had a sign for "not tonight"—a slide across the chest—though it usually went unused.

That night, Randy's breath hitched while watching John's match from one of the back monitors. He saw his lover slide one hand slowly and deliberately across his broad, toned chest.

Now, he was ignoring his phone calls and texts. When the Viper finally found his mate in a separate locker room, tears were staining his face.

"I can't do it anymore, Randy," He muttered. "I can't hide this anymore."

Randy knew it was a big secret to keep, but they both knew their lives would be hell if they came out with it. Not only would the guys in the locker room give the shit, but the fans might turn on them completely. They could lose their jobs for being outwardly gay in this business.

"What do you want from me, John?" Randy asked, connecting his pleading eyes with John's bloodshot ones. "Do you want me to tell the guys? I will. Do you want me to announce it to the crowd? Whatever you want," Randy begged. If it cost him his job, he would do it just to keep his relationship with John.

Randy tried to grab the older man's hands gently, kneeling in front of the sitting form of his partner. John snatched his hands away and stood up in one swift motion.

"No," John said. "I want to end this."

It was as if the planet just split in two, the entire world collapsing around Randy. HIS world collapsing..

"You don't mean it, babe…" he tried to whisper, mustering up the courage to reach out for John again. "You can't mean it."

The look in John's eyes changed. They went from sad and hurting to cold and unfeeling.

"Yes I do, Orton," he spat, almost sounding disgusted. "I'm not gay and I never will be."

With that simple statement, John—the reason for every bit of Randy's happiness—slung his bag over his shoulder and walked out the door.

_I'm trying to find the words to say, please stay  
It's written all over my face,  
I can't function the same when you're not here  
I'm calling your name but no one's there  
And I hope one day you'll see nobody has it easy,_

Randy had gone to the wedding. He had to, or people would've known something was wrong between him and Cena. Ever since that evening, people knew something was wrong with the Legend Killer, but they just didn't know what. His closest friend, Ted DiBiase, tried to talk to him several times, but couldn't get anything out of him. He was simply a shell of the guy he used to be.

The hardest part was trying to pretend that the pain had nothing to do with John. That meant acknowledging him in the hallways and chatting with him in group settings. It burned and tore through Randy's entire body every time he had to look at those large, shining blue eyes or those goofy dimples.

He sat in the second row with Ted, Cody and several other superstars. Faking an almost impossible smile, he watched John exchanging vows with this woman. A woman he couldn't possibly love. At least, the woman couldn't love John like HE did. She wouldn't be able to hold him like he did, or talk to him the way Randy could. Their love could never be the same as he and John's.

But if this is the way John wanted it, Randy had no choice but to accept his fate. The second Cena said "I Do," the Viper was sentenced to be miserable for the rest of his life.

-End Flashback-

_I still can't believe you found somebody new  
But I wish you the best, I guess.  
'Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows  
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt_

The show went off without a hitch. Randy was packing his stuff into his bag when Chris Jericho tapped him on the shoulder cautiously. Most people knew better than to bother Orton these days, so the rest of the locker room nominated Jericho to do the terrifying task.

"What is it, Chris?" Randy asked, trying to sound as calm and nonchalant as possible.

"Vince wants to see you," Chris stated. "I think he wants to talk about your new storyline."

With that, Randy gave his old friend a nod before heading out of the room. His thoughts were muddled with images of John that evening. He was wearing his brand new wedding band, but Randy thought he had noticed a familiar sadness in John's face. Sadness not unlike his own.

No, maybe he was just imagining that…

He arrived at Vince McMahon's office and knocked politely before entering. He was greeted by the chairman, who told him to have a seat next to the other man in the room—the last man he wanted to see today—John Cena.

_We've heard it all before, that everybody knows  
Just how to make it right,  
I wish we gave it one more try_

Trying to remain calm, he listened to Vince explain to the two men how Randy would become the #1 contender for John's belt, starting a long program between the two of them. Randy did his best to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall on his cheeks. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle this much time with the man that so easily broke his heart.

His heart stopped for a second when he looked at the man next to him, staring right back at him. John gave him a small smile, showing more emotion and connection toward the younger man than he had since they split.

_One more try  
One more try  
'Cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows_

John seemed down at all of the house shows that week, so Randy figured he was just dreading being near him again. Or missing his new wife…

Randy did everything he could backstage not to throw up. It was Monday again, and he was beginning his program to be #1 contender. His match with John was next and he still had no idea how he was going to make it through without crying or running out. He had always found solace in the ring and the Viper just hoped tonight would be no different.

His heart was beating so loudly in his chest, he was sure it was going to make him deaf. John's entrance music hit and for some reason a few of Randy's tensions eased slightly. Cena ran down the ramp, slid under the ropes and pandered to the crowd for a little bit. Randy couldn't help but smirk at the effect the older man had over the audience.

That's when it happened.

John turned around and stared directly into the Legend Killer's narrowed eyes. He confidently kept his gaze as he reached down to his right leg and deliberately adjusted his kneepad.

They're signal. Clear as the obnoxious orange hat on John's head.

I love you.

As if John could read the confusion on Randy's face, he moved a little closer—maintaining eye contact—and gave signal number two. Tugging on the middle rope a few times, Cena sent the message that he needed to talk to Randy after the match was over. The look in John's eyes told Randy that it was important to him.

Somehow, the two of them were able to put on a stellar match and the Viper won, securing his place as #1 contender.

After taking a shower and trying to cool down, he made the seemingly unending walk to his former lover's locker room. He stood right outside the door for a minute, wondering if this was even a good idea. John had hurt him, left him for dead with nothing in this world to hold onto. He had taken away the only happiness Randy had known. Yet, something in Randy's head told him he might get an answer for the unhappiness in John's face this week, too.

When he opened the door, he saw John pacing nervously in the back corner. The taller man let out an awkward cough to startle John back to reality. Before Randy could even open his mouth, John flew over to him, his voice racked with misery.

"You're right, I didn't mean it," he started. "I never wanted to end it."

Randy was confused. He pushed John away before responding, "Then why did you, Cena? Why did you rip my heart out, leaving my entire world cold? Why did you leave?" The tattooed superstar didn't even care that tears were falling freely from his eyes now. He was taking this opportunity to let out months of anger, frustration and hurt.

"I was an idiot, Randy! I got so scared of what the consequences would be if our relationship went public," John shouted, making no attempt to keep his emotions—or volume—in check. "I didn't know how to handle the fact that I had feelings for a man. I never thought you would have such an effect on me, man!" His face was riddled with frustration and his internal struggle was so intense, Randy could almost hear it. John returned to where Randy was standing and grabbed the back of his neck gently, locking eyes with the younger man.

"I ran because I thought it would be easier to just move on and forget about the way we were," John continued. "The way you felt, the way you smelled, the way you kissed…"

"I can't, John!" Randy retaliated, again pushing the warmth of John's body away. "You left me behind! You forgot about me and married—You MARRIED some woman!"

Randy moved to one of the benches and sat down, wrapping his arms around his shoulder and trying to steady his sobs. He couldn't take much more of this before he completely lost it.__

I don't care what the people say  
They brought it all in anyway  
Baby don't fill up your head with he-said, she-said  
It seems like you just don't know  
The radio's on, you're tuning me out,  
I'm trying to speak, you're turning me down

"She means nothing, Randy," John cried. Not giving up on closing the distance between the two men, he walked over to the bench and knelt before his former best friend. The Champ lifted Randy's strong chin, gazing right into his stormy, tear-filled eyes.

"I meant it. I already told her when I realized that our relationship was a total sham. We are looking into divorce attorneys as we speak," John said. He chuckled slightly before saying, "I'm going for the record for shortest WWE marriage ever."

Randy couldn't help but smile at the comment. Even in a situation as dramatic as this one, John's humor was never totally lost.

"I want you, Randy," John said reassuringly. "Only you. I am in love with you, baby. I don't care if that means I need to go shout it at everyone we work with or if I need to say it directly into the TV cameras next Monday night, but I will do whatever I have to in order to get you back in my life. I'm more than willing to accept any consequences thrown my way. I've thought about it, and a world without you as my baby is much worse than anything else that world can hurl my way."

John couldn't wait another second. He closed the distance between them, crashing his lips passionately against Randy's. The taste was sweet and familiar to both of them. Randy wanted nothing more than to stay locked in this kiss, forever connected to his soul mate.

Their lips soon parted as John pulled away gently, awaiting a response from the tattooed superstar.

After a small silence, Randy finally regained enough composure too choke out the words John had been waiting months to hear again.

"I love you, John." Randy panted, wiping away the tears that were still falling.

"I love you too, baby." John whispered. He went to move in for another kiss, but was met by an extremely painful punch to the shoulder.

"Don't ever do something like this again, you jackass," Randy growled, smirking deviously. "Because that one punch would be the least of your worries."

John slid his arms comfortably around Randy's neck, pulling him close. He sweetly pressed his forehead against his lovers before simply replying,

"I'll never take you or granted again. I'm never letting go."

'_Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows  
How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt  
We've heard it all before, that everybody knows  
Just how to make it right, I wish we gave it one more try  
_

'_Cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows_

**Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you liked-or didn't like-about it by reviewing. I want to know whether people are enjoying my work before I try again... **


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